Battlegrounds.

It's 3am. The fan has been taken someplace else, and I am in a bright room, on a cool dark night. While I was out on my run, I noticed that the moon was lit-up, like a giant disco ball. I an't see it from where I'm sitting, but I'm sure that it's still there. Just as I'm sure that other people are awake right now, going about their own businesses.

At 3am, we should be sleeping. Yet here we are. We try to carve out a litle piece of the nighttime for ourselves. Futile? Maybe. I tried to sleep, but I didn't get anywhere. I had a short dream about darkness - just darkness. What kind of fucked up dream is that?

I've been back in Singapore for about a week now. Things have changed, and things have not. I did not get better, at least, not in a way that is noticeable to me. I have changed, but whether it's for the better or for the worse, I have no clue. Maybe as the weeks of 2014 pass me by, I will get a clearer picture of how I am. You can never tell how you are, can you now?

I type, and I wonder whether I can still write. I've lost touch, I admit. Out of practice, I'm just typing the thoughts that come into my mind, as they come into my mind. No filter, at least, I think there isn't. There's always a filter though. That's just how I am. I don't publicize this blog, but one day, I just might, and someone's going to read it, and they will recognize how I feel, on the 12th of Janauary, at 3 in the morning.

Do you feel what I feel? Have you ever felt the way I do?

Trapped in a room with a really sad person.

Don't you just feel so useless when you're friend's clearly having the worst time of her life, and there's barely a thing that you can do or say that will make things better? I ran the scenarios through my head several times already, and there is nothing. If I give her advice, I won't be telling her things that she doesn't already know. If I tell her that I'll be there for her...how will that help? I want to give her a tight hug, but alas, no.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, I posted something on Facebook and it received a lot of 'likes'. The amount of 'likes' took me slightly by surprise. I knew it was funny, but not that funny. Anyway, it received over 90 'likes'...but the sad thing is that it's not completely true. For the sake of completeness, I fabricated a part of the post...and no one knows about it. I'm feeling slightly guilty, but also mildly amused. I guess I am a born storyteller after all.

Today, I had brunch at this place called Strictly Pancakes. The clientele is too young for my liking - lots of teens, from the looks of it. They were very strict too, with our booking. All in all, the place didn't leave a very favourable image with me, because it seems like they're more concerned with getting lots of traffic, rather than giving customers a relaxing experience. They're stingy with the butter (they gave only a little, and charged $0.50 if you ask for extra), they clear your plates way too quickly, and the space was cramped as hell.

The pancake I ordered was above-average. Good, but not good enough to overwrite the other factors that I listed above. Today would have been the fourth time I'm visiting the place. I'm never coming back again, if I had a choice. Today was an exception because out of the 7 of us, I was the only one who had gone there before. New things are always exciting, so I agreed with their decision to go to a subpar place for brunch.

Going to Kith Cafe tomorrow. I'm quite excited. Tomorrow is shaping up to be really busy. Brunch, and then I'm off to sign my contract for my LOA, and then I'm off to get my visa for India sorted out. Busy busy busy. I'll log off here then folks. Have a good evening. :)

Eat Brunch Twice A Day.

On a complete and total whim, I met up with a friend of mine at 8 in the morning at Changi Airport. She happened to be driving her parents to the airport, and I happen to be living close to the airport. So just like that, plans were put into place, and I found myself struggling out of bed and then rushing out of the house earlier than I was used to. 

The airport was nice, as always. This holidays, they have a Spongebob-theme going on. At different terminals, you can find Spongebob displays. It's pretty cute. At the same time, it was sort of a frightening realization - that Spongebob has been around for so long. When I was in Primary School, I was already watching the show. And here I am, many years later, marveling at huge displays of the same character. 

We drove to Holland Village where we found a nice place called Park. Park stands apart from Holland Village, at a random grass patch, all by itself. It was nearly deserted, as expected on a weekday morning. I had their usual breakfast and their latte. It was so-so, but I like the place nonetheless. The decor was very well-done, and they had lots of magazines. There were also powerplugs, which is a huge bonus!

After brunch, my friend went for her hair appointment, and I found myself all alone at Park. Some of my friends were studying at Republic Polytechnic, which is all the way at Jurong. On a whim, once again, I decided to make a trip up north. Before that, I bought cupcakes from Plain Vanilla.

Haha. I realize that I'm just describing what happened to me today, and not much about how I feel. How do I feel? Lemme think. I was happy to have met up with a friend, and it was really nice chatting with her over brunch. I'm also happy that I got to go to a new place, Republic Poly, and join some of my friends in the north. I probably won't do it again, but at the very least, I can say that I've been there.

I'm supposed to be studying for my three remaining finals - Consumer Behavior, Marketing Research and Strategy. Consumer Behavior and Strategy are very qualitative subjects - preparation will entail getting to know the subjects inside and out, and then being able to apply those concepts in the paper. I'm not too worried, because even given one day, I think I can do reasonably well. The more pressing problem was Marketing Research, which is a module I don't really like because of all the calculations, and mathematical concepts which were never fully fleshed out for us. I was worried, but then I realized that the paper was open book, so now I'm more relaxed.

All in all, I'm relaxed about my finals. I think I have enough time to study what needs to be studied. The next few months look set to be exciting as well, with my trip to India, and my full-time internship, and my Brandstorm competition, on top of all the other adhoc stuff which will surely come my way. It is packed, but at the same time, I don't know whether I'm going about it correctly. I guess you never do huh? One thing that's certain is that 2014 will be a different kind of year.

Hopefully, different in the best way possible.

Not The Way It Is.

Today I was supposed to head up to swim in the infinity pool of Marina Bay Sands. Alas, things didn't turn out like how I wanted it to. My friend and I had this free pass, supposedly, but it was rejected, because they recently changed their system or something. Sure, I was disappointed, but a large part of me was just glad that I was able to spend time with a friend who I won't be seeing again, in a really long while, I think.

We went to Windowsill Pies instead. And then had dinner after. It was cozy, and I can't really ask for more.

Before that, I had my first paper for this semester! It was for CAT, an excel course in SMU. I did my best, that's all I can say for sure. One of the questions was a tough nut to crack - I cracked it a little where some people barely dented it. Actually, most people couldn't even begin to answer the question. That puts me on the right side of the bell-curve.

Another thing that happened today was...well, one of my eyecandies from one of my classes sent me an email inviting me to be part of her team for a marketing case competition. I gladly agreed. If this competition goes as planned, I'll be juggling the competition with my internship, which is just the way I like it. Rather have your hands full, than playing with your balls, as I always say.

Past stuff.

I stumbled into a blog that I started earlier this year. It's really dark. I can't quite remember what state of mind I was in back then. I think I'm better, now, but I'm not sure. It's scary. One day, I'm alright, and the next day, I might be in pieces. My posts from that blog kept talking about how...I was going to get better, and how I'm a terrible person.

It saddens me how sad I was back then. Slowly but surely, I pick up the pieces and try to build something stronger, something that will not waver or break as easily. I must be made of titanium.

When I started today, my mind was set on rejecting an internship offer that I had received. The job scope wasn't exactly what I was looking for, and to me, if I was to take a break from school, it should be for a good reason. I aced the interview, and I think I clicked with my potential boss and coworker. But because it wasn't what I really wanted, I did not intend to accept it...until I found out about the pay. It is...significantly higher than what most interns get. I stopped thinking so much, and I accepted the offer.

So that's how my life is going to be like, from January to the end of April. It's exciting, and scary, but that's just how life is. At the very least, I'll be accumulating capital, which I can use to do some cool things. Before that, there'll be my India trip. All, totally new and exciting things. I'm hoping that this will help me improve as a person, but then again, I might be chasing illusions once again.

I'll leave this post here. It was nice talking to you once again, stranger.

An All-Nighter.

Yesterday evening was spent doing my CB Report. I love saying "CB Report" - CB is a Singaporean slang for vagina. So yeah, when I say "CB Report", it expresses precisely how I feel about the report. I actually like the subject - it's just that the timing is odd. I mean, it's already the exam week, and I'm still stuck compiling and making sense of parts of a whole. I slept at 5 in the morning.

I woke up at 8, 3 hours later to go for brunch with a friend from college. This time, we went to this cafe called Symmetry. Symmetry is by far the best cafe I've visited in Singapore. It's not inaccessible, being one bus stop away from Bugis. The food is excellent. The price is good. The waitress who served us was astoundingly cute. And the ambiance...they fucking nailed it. The whole time, it felt like I was transported to Penang once again. 

It was really nice catching up with an old friend. Anyway, after that, I had to continue the rest of my day. I could barely function. Actually, I can't remember much of what happened once I reached school. I think I took a nap. And then I took a walk. And I also chatted with some people. And revised and looked through my report. It's all a blur. Tonight, I'm back to editing that damn report again. It's mostly done - just a bit of touching up here and there. I do hope that I can sleep earlier today.

Despite having barely 4 hours of sleep, I still went for my run. I have this fear that if I miss one run, I'll continue to miss more. So yeah, I persevere. I'll sign off here. Today was a good day, on the whole.

A Collection of Strangers

I slept in a little this morning. It was completely worth it. I feel more refreshed now, though no less lazy. At least I don't have a strong urge to nap, and therefore, am likely to do more productive stuff. I finished revising for one subject, and I just looked up a few brunch places which seem really nice. 

At least I'm not napping.

This morning, I had the enormous task of trying to wake a friend up early, so that she could be productive in the morning. I told her to place the phone beside her head, and increase the volume to the maximum. But she didn't. All in all, I made 50 missed calls, and none of them got through. Hahaha. Oh well. It was a waste, in a sense, but I like helping people out, or at least, attempting to.

The book "Ogilvy On Advertising" is proving to be a complete treat. Ogilvy was a college drop-out and a former farmer. Somehow, he made his way to the top as a copywriter. It seems like his success stems from a genuine interest in connecting with people, and in doing whatever is necessary to do so. He did his due research, he honed his craft, and he wrote and wrote over and over again. True, some of his approach may be less relevant today, but he brings to the table the spirit of copywriting that I wish to someday possess.

I've been trying to work on a piece which I want to post on Medium for mass-consumption. It will be called "The Benefits of Writing For Yourself". I can't seem to get my thoughts out. I've been stuck on this for days now, which is sad. I know for sure that it's something worth writing about. I just can't articulate myself very well at the moment. One of these days!

Alas, I shall sign off here. Sunday's are relaxing aren't they?