Sometimes, I can't help but be fucked up.

I do way too many things that I regret. Earlier was just one example. It's a recurring theme of my life. I should really do something about it. I wish that I had the ability to pick myself right away after a bad decision, but I don't. Instead, I dwell upon my mistake, and I promise myself not to do something similar again in the future. Of course, such a resolution only ends up complicating my future decisions. It's an unpleasant cycle that I need to break out of.

Maybe one day, I will develop into a brash, headstrong and confident individual. You know the type. The guy who makes a decision fast, sticks to it, and then doesn't think too much about that decision later on. I make my decisions fast, but everything after that is a mess. I should get my head checked. 

I took a long walk, made some vague tweets, and then walked a little more. It's windy now, where I'm typing, but when I was walking around, the sun blazed fiercely in the sky, and I felt sweat forming at my back and on my forehead. Can I go to a place where I didn't have to make any complicated decisions? Maybe this is why people just do things by default...decisions are tough, and living with them is even tougher.

Earlier today, I received a call from a company I applied with for an internship. They called to offer me a position at their agency. I would have jumped for joy, had I not discovered during my interview that the job scope wasn't as exciting as I had hoped it would be. So now I'm not so sure. Anyway, this will have an effect on the rest of my university life, I guess, as it changes when I graduate, whether I'll be able to go for exchange, and all those other things. 

I shall reflect upon this issue more.

Anyhow, this blog is going to function as a sort of dumping ground for lost thoughts. Blogging has become a very public affair nowadays. Back in the good old days, you had a blog, and you made the blog public only by letting people know that you have one, and what that address is. For me, my blog name was my MSN username - simple as that. If people read it, then they read it and if they didn't, they didn't. I didn't really care about people's response.

Today, you share your post on Facebook, and people can then 'like' it, or 'not', and everything has to have some message, or slant. Every post has dreams of going viral and has the pressure of being inspiring and eye-opening. But we can't be like that all the time. Sometimes we just want to do some honest bits of writing. So here I am.

If you find this blog, somehow, then congratulations. Welcome to my head. It's going to get raw, and emotional, and shitty. But it's just between you and me.